How to stop losing things. I constantly lose everything: advice from a psychologist
Some of us constantly lose things: keys, phones, gloves. The umbrella carefully taken in the morning remains in the cinema, the ring is on the sink in the ladies' room, someone even manages to forget the wallet in the store: she paid, put it on the counter and was gone. What are the reasons for such absent-mindedness, is it possible to somehow train yourself to stop losing what you need?
There are people who remain focused under any circumstances, and someone literally suffers from their inattention. According to neuropsychologist Chris Moulin, some of us are simply more scattered to begin with. However, external factors can fertilize fertile soil and exacerbate the problem. Today it is fashionable to blame the frantic pace of life for literally everything, but in our case this is almost the main thing. High employment, multitasking, stress and fatigue make us more forgetful. At work, we think about how to do everything, every now and then switching from work issues to household chores and personal problems: to be in time for the store before closing, make an appointment for the doctor in the morning, and on the weekend - for a haircut, pay for the child's courses, let the nanny go . So we have less mental strength and psychic energy to remember where we put this or that thing. But this can be dealt with.
Invest in things that really matter to you. So you will constantly pay attention to the fact that they are not forgotten anywhere. Buy an expensive wallet, a housekeeper, a mobile phone, trendy gloves or an umbrella. The more attached you are to a thing, the less likely you are to leave it somewhere. For some reason, this trick does not work with gifts, even if they are very expensive. Therefore, it is important to purchase a thing at your own expense, and invest not only financially, but also emotionally. It is better to look at a number of models before buying, choose and estimate for a long time. And then you yourself will notice how every five minutes you will check whether your valuable acquisition is in place. But still, try to play it safe: put your business cards in your wallet, buy a mobile phone case with a pocket and leave your coordinates there too. More often than not, we think of people worse than they really are. And if you really forgot something dear to you, and did not become a victim of a pickpocket, then there is a high probability that the finder will want to return it to you.
It's much easier to stop forgetting things when you rely on more than just your memory. To achieve this, start organizing your supplies on your desk, at home, and inside your bag. As you know, whoever has order at home has order in life and in his head. Also form some habits and set small rules. Come up with your own place for each thing: a work pass and a subway card - in the left pocket of the jacket, a passport, wallet and phone - in the inner compartment of the bag, preferably with a zipper. Do not throw away checks for large purchases, keep a small box for them at home. Important documents such as health and pension insurance cards or birth certificates should also be kept in a designated place.
Do you remember that moment when you started losing things all the time? Or have you always been so distracted? Chris Moulin argues that, under certain circumstances, absent-mindedness can be a sign of incipient depression. The situation is exacerbated if you work under stress or are close to emotional burnout. In fact, the beginnings of depression are easy to determine, this can be done even without the participation of a specialist. The first wake-up call is a sleep disorder. According to psychiatrists, almost all exacerbations of profile diseases begin with it. More often it is difficulty falling asleep, insomnia, less often - constant drowsiness, inability to wake up. Sometimes a person can sleep more than twelve hours a day and not get enough sleep. In any case, track your sleep and mood throughout the day. When depressed, people usually feel much worse in the morning and notice that their mood evens out in the late afternoon. In this case, you will have to consult a doctor so that he can prescribe you maintenance therapy.
Do you often lose things and panic trying to find them? Try to look at the problem with fresh eyes and try new ways to solve it.
It has happened to every one of you. The children are already dressed at the door, the first bell is about to ring at school, breakfast has already begun in the kindergarten, and you are running around the apartment in boots and a coat, trying to find the keys. Where could they go? Where is my mobile phone? Where is the certificate from the doctor with whom we were waiting in line for half a day?!
Why do we so often lose (or, if you prefer, leave out) the most important things on our craziest days? And why do we allow our distraction to drive us into panic attacks? Worst of all, if you consider yourself "a little distracted," you allow yourself to lose things and are not at all surprised when this actually happens. The results of our forgetfulness might well be funny if they weren't so sad. We are looking for keys, mobile phones, TV remotes, necessary documents…
We panic, we get angry, we scream at our husband and children, we get angry at ourselves. Are you really going to be like the old lady in the classic caricature someday, looking for the glasses that are on your forehead?
Meanwhile, there are several tricks that will help you, if not completely get rid of the annoying habit of losing the most necessary things, but at least reduce these annoying incidents to a minimum.
Surely you have heard this advice: if you forgot what you wanted to say or do, go back to where you were and go all over again. Psychologists suggest developing this approach and not just making the path again, but sitting down and without haste writing down everything that you did before you lost a very necessary thing. First of all, it will help you calm down. And find what's lost.
But it is not always possible to comfortably sit in front of a piece of paper. What if the thing needs to be found immediately?
FIRST: DON'T PANIC!If you just took gloves out of the closet and held them in your hands, and now you can’t find them anywhere, it’s obvious that they are somewhere nearby. They are just out of sight. Therefore, the easiest thing to do is to calm down and take a sober look around.
SECOND: MAKE A PLACE FOR THINGS THAT ARE LOST.The lost item is where it should be. Analyze what you lose most often. Surely this is a phone, keys, glasses, lipstick, hand cream, etc. And where should all these things be? It is difficult to answer the question if you do not have a special box in the hallway that stands on a shelf. Wind it up and make sure you put your keys and other important items in it when you get home. Then, before leaving, you just have to put your hand into the box and get everything you need.
THIRD: LOOK ONCE, BUT GOOD.When you have lost something important and are in a hurry, how do you usually search? Most likely, you are rushing around the house, looking several times in one closet, then in another, and you can’t find anything. Try changing tactics. You've lost the rent bill you were just about to put in your bag. Where can he be? Look around and start searching methodically. If you are sorting through papers, then do not rummage through them, but calmly look at each sheet. If you are looking in the closet, then carefully sort through all the things. Pick up each newspaper from the couch, put it in a neat pile.
FOURTH: TRY NOT TO WORRY.Why did I lose the right thing again? What is this, old age? It is better to get rid of such thoughts immediately - they interfere with us, leading to hysterics. Many consider their ability to lose everything as a sign of approaching old age, but in most cases such suspicions are unfounded. Of course, memory gets worse with age. But if you are a little over thirty, then it is worth considering: have you really begun to lose things more often lately, or has this always happened to you? Maybe now you are more worried about this, because chores with small children, household chores and workload at the office have been added to your natural forgetfulness?
BRING A BOX IN THE HALLWAY AND DON'T FORGET TO STORE THE SMALL THINGS YOU LOSE IN IT.
FIFTH: IF YOU HAVE LOST WHAT YOU DO NOT NEED RIGHT NOW, DO NOT LOOK FOR.Just give up on the loss and postpone the search until the time when you are ready for them. Often we lose things when we are dispersed, thinking one thing and doing another, literally losing our mind. Our attention wanders, and later we are unable to remember what we put where. Therefore, if you manage to relax and postpone the search until later, it is likely that you will remember where you put the keys. Take a break, make yourself some tea, drink a glass of water in small sips, read a book or magazine. Focus on something else, do other household chores to distract and calm down.
SIXTH: DO NOT TRY TO DO IT ALL AT ONCE.Society encourages women to display an amazing ability to do several things at the same time. But in fact, when you take on several tasks at once, you do not do anything properly. Therefore, as soon as you realize that you have lost something important, stop. Stop all business. And focus only on the search.
SEVENTH: TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE CAUSES OF THE PROBLEM.You can look at the situation differently: you often lose your keys - this is a signal of a problem. And the reason for your forgetfulness may be that you fail to live in the present, you do not concentrate enough on what is happening. Think about it: do you only lose things when you really have a lot to do? Or does it happen even on the quietest days or on vacation?
If so, then try to train your attention. It's not difficult at all - just try to notice something new in familiar things. Every time you leave the house, look around and try to find something new. Do the same when talking with your husband, with other close people. This tactic will allow you not to scatter attention, but to concentrate on what is happening.
You will say that it is very difficult to look for something new in others or on the street when you are rushing to the kindergarten for a child or going to the airport in a hurry. You're right, it's not easy. But this is precisely the meaning of the technique: it will help you not to race on autopilot, but to be conscious of what is happening.
Of course, such a technique will not help you find your passport in seconds when you need to catch a plane. But this is a great way to train, which will gradually teach you to live in the here and now.
THREE QUICK SEARCH TECHNIQUES
1. Can't find what was put away in a safe place? Psychologists say: most likely you hid the thing above eye level and in a dark place. Check in cupboards, on cupboards and on the refrigerator.
2. Can't find the keys again? Make a couple of spare kits and store them in a well - defined place . This will help you out when there is absolutely no time to search.
3. Can't find earrings or your favorite hand cream? Check in your suitcase. It happens that things that you took with you on vacation remain in the side compartment.
How to stop losing keys, mobile phone and wallet?
Forgetting is a natural mental process. Most of the usual actions we perform mechanically - put the keys in your pocket, put your mobile phone in your bag - and do not even realize it.
Keys, wallet and cell phone are three important things that are often left at home when we leave. For them, we specifically summarize our tips.
Step 1.Choose a place for these things, such as near the front door or front door to keep your keys, wallet, and mobile. A good place would be the edge of a table, a special board with keys, or a kitchen table.
Step 2Remove from this place all other unnecessary things that have accumulated there: pieces of paper, expired receipts and other rubbish.
Step 3Put your wallet, keys and cell phone in this place and always try to leave them there when you come home. Just do not put them anywhere, behind the bed or under the table. When you return home, place these items in the designated storage area. If you are on a phone, put it back when you are done talking.
Step 4When you are going somewhere to go, these things will lie in "their place". You may need some time to get used to it.
Step 5If you find yourself leaving things all over the place, go and put them back. Remember that in order for any action to become a habit, it must be repeated for at least 30 days.
Putting things in "their place" when you get home will take you no more than a minute, but you will certainly appreciate it when you go somewhere.
You will not find in any textbook of the school curriculum the answer to the question "How to deal with absent-mindedness?". You may be prompted by the desire to understand - “Where do things disappear in your apartment?”. There is little funny in this, except in Marshak's poem about an eccentric man from Basseinaya Street, who, due to his inattention, several times ended up on the same platform.
Gloves, umbrellas, phone, keys, jewelry - all this is lost at lightning speed, you only have time to follow and buy. To overcome absent-mindedness and inattention, you need to understand the reasons for their appearance and finally pull yourself together.
Why are we losing everything?
As a child, you could give yourself slack and write off your absent-mindedness for wandering in the clouds. But adulthood requires us to come down from heaven to earth, no matter how much we object. Needless to say, lost rights threaten with a considerable fine and big problems with traffic cops, lost keys to an apartment - calling a locksmith and buying a new lock, losing a phone - access to your personal information, including bank cards.
According to neuropsychologist Chris Moulin, some people are inherently more scattered than others. Add to this external factors, such as the frantic pace of life, routine, multitasking, stress, fatigue, high employment, and you will understand why we often lose something. At work, you have to think about several things at once, trying to solve work moments, domestic problems, household chores. Naturally, the brain forgets unnecessary information - where did you put the phone and whether you took an umbrella with you.
Psychologists also distinguish two types of absent-mindedness: imaginary and genuine. In the first case, forgetfulness is attributed to excessive concentration, when a person devotes a lot of time to something specific, forgetting about minor details. Professors, executives, scientists, businessmen, and politicians often suffer from this kind of absent-mindedness. In the second case, absent-mindedness can be caused by health problems: overwork, diseases of the respiratory system and nasopharynx, neurasthenia, psychosis, chronic fatigue, lack of sleep.
How to stop losing things?
The first thing you need to figure out is whether you yourself are an absent-minded person or is it caused by external factors. Maybe it will be enough for you to just have a good rest, so that a clear mind and a sober memory come to replace cloudiness? Along with rest, start taking B vitamins and folic acid. Meditation, as a way to train memory, is also suitable.
Refuse to do several things at once. Do only one thing, do not spray on other, less important activities. You need to start execution only after a clear, well-thought-out plan of action, saying it to yourself - this will take time, but you are unlikely to forget what you wanted to do.
Put everything in its place. A very wise decision is to give each thing its place. So you don’t have to remember where you put your passport or keys yesterday and put your house in order. Get special boxes for documents, checks and invoices.
Block all attempts of the brain to switch to something else and try to be in the clouds. Come up with conscious situations and associate objects with certain actions.
Do not accumulate things, postponing them for later. A task has appeared - complete it. A lot of unfinished business clutters up memory, scatters attention and does not allow you to focus on important things.
Use hints and reminders. Set a reminder for an important date or event on your smartphone. At the right time, they will work and remind you of the case.
In order not to forget things in minibuses, hospitals, metro, cafes and other places outside the home, follow these recommendations:
Do not put anything in your pockets - they will not replace the bag, but the phone can easily fall out of your pocket. You can also forget about the contents of your pockets and send the thing to the laundry - then the money and documents will be irretrievably damaged;
Check the integrity of the lining of the bag;
Do not make a frantic search for something in your purse in front of everyone (usually, this happens in public transport when you need to transfer money for a fare). Prepare a trifle in advance;
Think of a place for things: keys - a small inner pocket of a handbag, wallet, phone and passport - an internal zippered compartment, a work pass and a subway pass - in the back pocket;
Be sure to put everything in a bag or bag as soon as you stop using the thing. We got on the bus, closed the umbrella and put it in the bag; took off gloves - into a bag, talked on the phone - do not twist it in your hands, but put it in a bag, paid for the fare - wallet in a bag, etc.
Make friends with things. It sounds strange, of course, but according to statistics, we more often lose things that we don’t feel anything for (or even worse, we hate). You treat your favorite things more reverently, you double-check their presence 100 times. Buy an expensive and beautiful wallet, a funny keychain, a stylish cane umbrella. You will not notice how you love things and stop losing them.
Their absent-mindedness might seem funny if it weren't so much trouble. Without plane tickets, the vacation will not take place. Lost keys become a problem for the whole family.
“Today, I don’t lose things so often, but I suffered a lot because of my absent-mindedness,” admits 37-year-old Olga. “The most unpleasant memory is connected with school: I managed to fail the annual math test because I lost my keys the day before and couldn’t get home all day before my parents arrived.”
At first glance, it may seem that this is just disorganization. Relatives, friends and colleagues reproach such a person for being indifferent to the requirements of real life and do not trust him with important matters. But, if you look more closely, there may be psychological reasons behind absent-mindedness.
forget too much
Many people forget or lose their belongings from time to time. And this is not surprising, because forgetting is a natural mental process. “Our minds are constantly exposed to a powerful stream of information, and because of the threat of glut, it leaves a lot of facts without attention,” explains French psychoanalyst Gerard Pommier. “Therefore, we do most of the usual actions automatically - we put the keys in our pocket, put our mobile phone in our bag - and we don’t even realize it.” Yet some of us lose and forget our belongings more often than others.
Unconscious Messages
“My husband and I could not agree for a long time where to go on vacation. I wanted to go to the sea, and my husband - to the mountains. In the end, I gave in, but the trip almost fell through: the day before I left, I lost my plane tickets,” says 32-year-old Anna. “Often a lost thing can be considered as a symptom that reveals some kind of our problem, an internal conflict,” explains psychoanalytic psychotherapist Tatyana Drabkina. - This thing is most likely connected with that sphere of life (work, home, relationships with people), where we feel insecure, where something greatly disturbs us, does not satisfy us. For example, having lost her tickets, Anna unconsciously tried to inform her husband that the upcoming trip did not suit her, that her needs were not taken into account. We are more likely to forget or lose our belongings when we are stressed or preoccupied with what we care about. But as soon as we begin to realize what exactly worries us, absent-mindedness disappears.
"I didn't want to make a commitment"
Victoria, 29 years old, logistics
“At work, I constantly lost all sorts of little things: either I’ll leave the keys to the office or the safe at home, or I can’t find a notebook with business records, or I’ll forget my wallet in the dining room. At first, I treated this with irony, considered absent-mindedness to be my sweet feature, and told my colleagues and friends about it with a laugh. But at some point I noticed that they didn’t seem to take me seriously: at work, an interesting project was given to a colleague, a friend once said that she wouldn’t trust me even for an hour with her child. And then I realized: my absent-mindedness, all these “losses” and “forgetting” are just an unwillingness to take responsibility for my life, fear of any obligations. Realizing this, I became a more pedantic person, and now my things are with me. In addition, the attitude of colleagues and friends towards me has changed for the better.
What to do?
make friends with things
An easy way to become more mindful of things is to put your emotions into them. Buy a funny keychain, a beautiful wallet. With things that we like, we tend to handle more carefully.
To take the responsibility
Thinking that we are losing things due to random circumstances (“I got pissed off at work”), we shift the responsibility to them and can’t influence the situation in any way. It is important to remember that the reason for our absent-mindedness is in ourselves, and a lost thing can symbolize some kind of our problem.
Ask yourself a question
It’s helpful to ask yourself, “If the loss meant something, what did it mean?” Listen to your emotions: somewhere on the periphery of irritation or confusion, you can find relief. It is this experience that can lead you to the correct answer. What load would you like to get rid of? What worries you? Perhaps you internally reject this part of life, or, conversely, its value to you is so great that it causes anxiety that you cannot cope with.
Advice to an outsider
Do not blame a loved one who is prone to losing their things, but do not be condescending to him either. On the one hand, the more often you take part in the search for things, the more often you will be contacted with such a request. On the other hand, a loved one can in this way let you know that he feels confused, lonely. If you pull away, then, in fact, you do not react in any way to the SOS signal, which a person, albeit unconsciously, can afford. Be insightful and try to understand what is happening to him, what exactly he cannot tell you directly. And then already respond not to the symptom, but to the cause.
