I didn’t know what to do next. What to do when you don't know what to do? If you find yourself in a difficult, unpleasant, conflictual or, as it seems to you, hopeless situation
Sometimes you just stop and don't know what to do next with your life. It is very difficult to decide what to do, to find the right solution. This feeling of uncertainty can occur in anyone and at any age. It doesn't matter what it is - you're choosing a university, graduating and looking for a job, trying to get over a breakup, or approaching retirement. In any situation, you may feel like you just don't know where to move next. Five steps will help you deal with the problem, with the help of which you will understand what you want to do in your future life.
Put on your sneakers and clear your mind
Sometimes the situation turns out to be so difficult that all you can think about is how to survive until the next day. You have no strategy for the future, no plans or desires. You just can't stand it. If this is the case, don't panic. Focus on daily activities. Physical activity will help you get through the day. Set your alarm early, prepare your running clothes in advance, and head outside. A short run is a great start to the day. At first it will be difficult for you to force yourself to get out of bed; you will just want to close yourself off from the world. But over time, you will realize that after a run you feel better, and your worries will subside. You will begin to look forward to the morning and will be filled with energy from your activities. Your sleep will become stronger. Exercise helps you cope with emotional pain and improves your health. It's easier for you to deal with everyone life problems. Sometimes the effect is not immediate, but one way or another, sport helps to switch to new stage life without much difficulty.
Wake up your consciousness, start acting
No one will live instead of you. All people, rich or poor, prosperous or ruined, must cope with their own problems. You must move on, no matter how difficult it is. It doesn’t matter what justice is, it doesn’t matter if you’re sad, you simply have to act! Life cannot be predicted, and the answers we seek are not always pleasant. There are no rules to follow in order to walk along the right way. You must awaken your consciousness and accept reality as it is, prepare for change and understand that life is unpredictable. This will be another step towards finding your new direction. You will have to deal with all your stereotypes and self-doubts - they block your path. Even if you don’t see yourself in the future, you don’t know what you want, you need to make decisions. 
Many people prefer to do nothing - making decisions seems so difficult to them. Don't let fear paralyze you. Keep moving, don't give up. Even a small step forward is better than constant procrastination. Just try it and you will see for yourself!
Challenge yourself to a thirty day challenge
Write a list of three goals that, when achieved, will improve your life. Try to achieve them in a month. Let it be even something simple - lose a couple of kilograms or start training for a marathon. The main thing is that you actually do it. This will give your life perspective again. By achieving your goals, you will regain your confidence in your abilities. Don't give in to sadness, try to fix everything in thirty days.
Other people's stories, their perspective on life and how to overcome similar difficulties can help you. Reading this can help you find inspiration and motivate you if you don't know what to do next with your life. You will be able to find useful tips, sort out the clutter in your thoughts and feelings. You can also read biographical books from people who have had difficult times in life. You are likely to find someone whose life experience is similar to yours or simply impresses you enough to give you the strength to find your way. Such reading will never be a waste of time, don’t even doubt it - choose a book and get to it as soon as possible.
Do everything to understand yourself better
Understand yourself, understand what you like in life. You must understand your desires if you want to take action and create change. If you are not clear about who you are and what you need, you will not be able to understand what direction is right for you. In addition, only knowing who you are can become a reliable foundation for believing in yourself. When you are in despair, you will be able to find the strength to move on if you know that you can cope. The previous step can help in self-knowledge - the thirty-day challenge opens your eyes well to your priorities. Once you feel that you have found the right direction, you can direct all your efforts towards achieving your goal. You will know where to look for information and where to get inspiration from.
Emotional exhaustion is not such a rare problem. But loss of strength and doubt (“Am I doing everything right in life?”, “Where should I go next?”) are just a good reason to reconsider your priorities.
I remember when I was at university, I thought that I needed to choose a job that would make me happy for the next 50 years of my life or even more. What a difficult task this is!
But the reality is that you can’t know for sure what will bring you joy throughout your life. You can't even know what will make you happy in 5 years. But you understand what gives you pleasure in this moment. And, if your current situation is depressing, you need to move on. Life is about trying different things and realizing what you don't want or want to become in the future.
Remember a few simple truths:
1. No one can plan their future.
Remember, you don't know what awaits you. Life is full of surprises and unexpected turns. But if you do something you enjoy, whether it's a job or a hobby, it will make your journey through life much more fun.
2. Discomfort can be tolerated.
Sometimes we are not satisfied with something in life. For example, there may not be enough money for everything that you really want to try. If you really want something, you will have to endure some inconvenience on the way to achieving your goal. For example, I want my own dog sled to race in Alaska. To do this, I had to give up my cozy, clean home in the city and move to Alaska. We often face water shortages and power outages, and our hut is much smaller than our previous home. But we don’t focus on the discomfort because we live in a beautiful place and I’m on the path to fulfilling my dream.
3. Life is changeable, it’s better to learn to change with it.
Things happen. Once upon a time it seemed to me that I had everything one could dream of: a great job, a magnificent house in the forest. But I got fired, I lost my house, I turned 40 - and all this happened in one week. Then I discovered that I was pregnant. It's been another week. I spent a couple of days depressed, lying on the couch, but then I came up with a plan and went to Alaska. Circumstances can and should be used to your advantage. Every trouble is an opportunity for something more.
4. Delaying action is not the best strategy.
We're not getting any younger. Unfortunately, this is the truth. If you don't start using your time wisely and making your dreams come true, by the end of your life you risk being left with nothing. If you seriously dream of achieving something, it is better to start taking action. The first steps are the most difficult, but it’s better to break away from the Internet and get to work. You will not advance a millimeter just by wondering what heights you could achieve.
5. Questions will help you understand yourself.
Taking some time for yourself is a good idea. You can really ask yourself important questions. And minor ones. Understand yourself. Meditate. Make a list of things that interest you and that you could do if you had enough time and money. Dreaming globally is difficult, but important. Quiet your mind with its eternal “buts” and fantasize about this topic.
6. There is no need to rush headlong into the pool.
If there's a job or hobby you're interested in, try doing it pro bono to see if it's exactly what you want to do. Even your biggest and wildest dreams will not help you if you neglect real actions and experiences. Sometimes it seems that we really want to do something, but after trying it once, we realize that it may not be quite what it seemed. It is very important to try before radically changing your life in favor of dubious prospects.
7. It is important to save.
If you need to move or take a course to fulfill your dream, it would be a good idea to earn some money first. I worked for years to ensure my editorial portfolio was impressive enough to work from home. And now I have the opportunity to edit articles from my tiny hut, get paid for it and pay with it necessary equipment and dog food. Would I like dogs and racing to bring me an income? Certainly. But for now I’m still creating and training my team, so this is impossible. I have no experience in sled dog racing, but I do have a reputation as a writer. So I do one job I love to pay for another.
8. “Yes!” new opportunities.
The chance to change your life for the better may be right under your nose, but you may simply not notice it and, accordingly, miss it. Don't miss out on opportunities. Sometimes they appear at the wrong time, but you have no control over that. However, it is within your power to open the door—or opportunity may leave and come knocking for someone else.
When you're trying to figure out what to do with your life, remember the main thing: lack of action is not action in itself. Making decisions and trying are the most important things, even if in some cases you will be unhappy with your decisions. At the end of your life, you will not regret taking risks and facing failures. But you definitely won’t be glad that you didn’t try at all.
Turn off your laptop and start living.
Question to a psychologist:
Good day! Yes, I'm 13 years old and I hope they won't refuse me help because of my age. I have lost myself and see this as a huge problem. This lasts about 6-7 months. But I feel that I cannot cope with this problem alone. Someday I will be completely confused and want to commit suicide. It all started with the fact that I simply began to hide my feelings, that is, what was happening in my family or personal life. I didn’t say everything, let’s say that my mother has more secrets from me, that she found herself a man and is hiding him from me, but I’m not stupid, I see. Sometimes I hear their conversations on the phone and I know that she sometimes deceives him. At first, this all irritated me very much, but now the main thing is that he doesn’t come to us, I don’t see or hear him, he doesn’t infringe on my rights and thank God. She and her mom are just meeting somewhere, as I understand it. I have had fear since childhood, one day she brought a man into the house, he “drove” me out of bed and slept with my mother. I have been very upset and am afraid of this story repeating itself. I still sleep with my mother, but when she says that “it’s time for you to sleep alone,” I say, “I’m scared,” yes, scared, but not to sleep alone, but that my mother will bring someone. But that's not what this is about, although I think it is important point and I should have talked about it. Previously, I had my own principles, views, rules by which I lived and enjoyed life. Now I have constant depression. I often cry over every little thing and feel unneeded. Sometimes, I have such a state, as I call it “like in a movie,” I just want to be beautifully sad, accompanied by music. I’m afraid that when my mother is late at work, I only think that “suddenly she will go to her friends, have a little drink there, and then I’ll wait for her half the night,” this rarely happens, pah pah pah, but I drive myself into a corner and into In such cases, I go to my grandmother, but I don’t tell her anything, supposedly “I just got bored at home, and I came to you.” I don’t know what such a turning point happened in my life that I changed. A close friend says that I am deceiving her, she tells me how good she was with me before and says that this will not happen again. Maybe I've just grown up? Or am I keeping too much to myself? It’s very difficult for me to solve problems with such a foggy head, something needs to be done about it. I want to live again and enjoy what is happening, and not wait until I grow up and go to live away from problems. Please help.
A psychologist answers the question.
Hello, Irina!
Let's talk about the features of your age. You are 13 years old - you are no longer a child, hormonal changes in the whole body begin. You notice that your body is changing, becoming more feminine. Such strong changes in your body occur under the influence of hormones, and these hormones also affect your emotional state. Try to take this soberly and calmly, now your emotions are sharper and change more often than in childhood. You need to understand why this happens (the reason is the physiological maturation of the body - at the age of 13, many people feel unnecessary or sometimes experience depression due to severe hormonal changes). You need to learn to manage your emotions. This ability will help you be successful and happy in the future. To manage emotions, you need to understand their causes (you are maturing and growing very quickly now) and learn to notice their appearance and not immerse yourself in them completely, but observe emotions from the outside. Try it, it's interesting. Observe your emotions like fish in an aquarium. Don’t give in to your emotions, just watch. To make this better, start playing sports or dancing. Physical activity will help balance hormonal levels. will give you the strength not to completely immerse yourself in a hurricane of emotions, but to observe them and remain in balance.
Sports, dancing or another hobby will help you solve another important task: start living your own interests and let your mother live hers. Think about it. what you love, what interests you and start doing it (draw, write poetry, dance, sculpt - do what you like, find something for your soul). The development of a child can be clearly seen from the outside using the example of feeding. The mother breastfeeds a newborn baby, this is the healthiest thing for him. A child begins to be spoon-fed at one year of age, but for now it is his mother, father or grandmother who spoon-feeds him. A child of 2-3 years old should learn to eat with a spoon himself and do it carefully. A child of 5-6 years old learns to take care of others while eating (helps mom set the table, serves dad bread, etc.). An adult can earn money, buy food and feed himself and his loved ones. This is how we grow up. moving from breastfeeding to cooking and feeding others. those who are dear to us. It is important to complete all stages on time. It will be funny and sad if a child at 3 years old eats only from a bottle or at 6 years old smears porridge on the table. It is no longer possible for a boy or girl to be breastfed by their mother at the age of 20. Each age has its own tasks. At every age we learn something.
You are 13 years old, children often sleep with their parents in preschool age. At 13 years old, this bothers you and your mother. Don't wait for her to invite you to sleep alone. Do it yourself. You're old enough for this. Don't be afraid to grow up, your age is wonderful. If you want to be happy in life, let your mom be happy and have her own personal life. Otherwise, when later you want to have freedom, your mother will also not be able to let you go (everything comes back). When you are 25, your mother will begin to age, and if you don’t learn to live independently now, she will no longer be ready for this, and you will really want this. So start now. You will always be close and dear to your mother. But loved ones should not entangle each other like chains, control each other, and not give freedom. Close people are those who support, understand and respect each other. To make it easier for you to give your mother freedom, make your life interesting (communicate with friends, learn languages and correspond in English, draw, dance - understand what is interesting to you and what is important to you).
Good afternoon Please tell me a way out of this situation. I have NO desire to continue living like this.
I'm sitting in maternity leave. Everyday life and daily monotony have divided life into “before” and “now”. Bad mood - it takes it out on my son, although I try to restrain myself, my husband is also tired - before we spent time together, talked to each other, shared thoughts and grievances - now he tries to spend free time in the Internet. Any beginning of a conversation is perceived as a reproach and is given hostility. The first and main answer to everything: “What else do you want? What’s wrong again? Get a divorce!” I am experiencing these changes very painfully. I can't get out of my depression. Previously, minor issues were resolved “at night.” Now it’s not just questions, but these nights simply don’t exist. Like a holiday - “once a month” and then without any feelings and emotions - I don’t have time to catch them - a real marital “duty”. I have lost the feeling of even the slightest attractiveness and femininity, although everything is as it was and still is! I DO NOT believe this is happening to me. I always strived for the opposite and tried not to miss the moment to create a family atmosphere...
What am I doing to fix this? First of all, I endure it, citing the fact that the children will grow up and it will become easier - it no longer works, at all. Tears into the pillow, thoughts about some injustice in life - that’s all I came up with. I try to write to my husband every day a sea of new and important words, about him and about love - it has already become like the order of things for him. Every time I try to hug, kiss by chance, say that he is wonderful - there is no reaction or answer, or rather the words are “me too” - just somewhere out of nowhere, routinely and as if for show. Girls on porn sites are much more attractive and desirable. I take care of myself - after giving birth I almost got into shape. I suggest spending time together in the evening - but somehow he has no desire. Tkk and we live - I sleep with the children, and he with the Internet... Yesterday I found our correspondence from the moment we met until the wedding - I smiled, such were the feelings - new strength and enthusiasm entered me - today I wanted to do something special, to please my husband!!! I'm preening, waiting for work, starting to cook dinner from lunch - all in anticipation - my husband called, and from the first word, he said that something was wrong again, I did something wrong, I did something wrong... So it went away all the mood and desire... as if it never existed. And again tears, after the conversation and a complete lack of vitality. Help me please. Or it will continue to be very, very difficult and bad for my children, with such a lifeless mother!
Answers from psychologists:
Hello, Natasha!
The fact is that men and women need different forms of love and receive love differently. What seems obvious to you may be completely unclear to your spouse.
The worst thing for a man is to see his woman unhappy, because the man blames himself for the woman’s misfortunes. His self-esteem drops and his motivation decreases. The man begins to avoid intimacy. For a man, it is not so important to be taken care of and to be spoken of kind words, but rather to feel NEEDED. It is women who want to hear words of consolation when they feel bad, and men who perceive comforting words as an insult, as a receipt of his inability to be a man. If a man sees that a woman is unhappy, but at the same time she also says warm words to him, then he cannot accept these warm words.
Of all the listed ways to solve the problem, you did not mention the most important thing - ask your husband for help. It is important not just to tell the man about the problem, about how hard it is for you, about how bad everything is, and how tired you are. He will take this as a rebuke and become defensive (and The best way defense is an attack). It is important to tell the man how he can specifically help you and how important this help is to you. It is important to learn to simply ask, without explaining how hard it is for you. Just: “Darling, help me wash the dishes”, “Darling, play with the children.” And be sure to sincerely thank you for your help. When a man feels that he can somehow take the burden of worries off your shoulders, that he can be useful, that he can prove himself as a man, that YOU need him and YOU are grateful to him, then his motivation to communicate with you will increase many times over. . And be sure to say that you appreciate what he ALREADY does for you (builds a house, works a lot, etc.)
And one more thing - men don’t like it when women sacrifice themselves. A man next to a female victim feels like a loser. Therefore, do not tolerate difficulties, but ask a man for specific help. He will be only happy (although it may not appear immediately).
Sincerely, psychologist Olga Strelkina.
Problem area:
Relationships between men and women
“Today you want one thing - to die, and tomorrow you wake up and realize that you just had to go down a few steps, feel for the switch on the wall and see life in a completely different light...” Anna Gavalda.
In the Middle Ages, a 45-year-old man was already considered an old man. From the age of 7, boys began to comprehend military science, wield weapons or learn their specialty. At the age of 16-18, the boys began to fight, and at the age of 20 they started a family and children. The average life expectancy in Medieval Britain was 30 years. If a man was an aristocrat or rich, he could live until the age of 60. But this was rather an exception to the rule. By the age of 45, men fulfilled their duty, leaving home and offspring, and then leaving for another world.
Now everything has changed. Deciding on goals in life, looking for yourself and not starting a family until the age of 30 has become the norm. Then we get married, have one or a couple of children. We pay off loans, mortgages and support our family. All the main goals were achieved, after which the medieval man could pass away, clearing the way for a new generation.
But what should a modern man do? What to do if you are tired of life in your youth or middle years? You may not even have children and a family. You just met dozens of girls in bed, tried a dozen jobs and traveled through a dozen countries. But you're tired of life.
What to do next if you have lost interest in everything that is happening around you and are completely burned out from the inside? You don't know what to do. You didn’t have time to enjoy life and enjoy everything, but were always in a hurry to get somewhere. You were tired, like a medieval warrior, but you weren’t very happy.
“Did you push yourself to the edge? Don't you see any point in living anymore? This means that you are already close... Close to the decision to reach the bottom in order to push off from it and decide to be happy forever. So don’t be afraid of the bottom - use it” Vitaly Gibert
What to do next if you are tired of living?
1. Let go of unfulfilled hopes and dreams.
You didn't become a millionaire, a superstar or an MMA world champion before your age? Everything is fine. You set your bar too high, worked too hard and tried too hard. Stop mourning for the person you never became. Not all dreams come true, but rather the opposite. All the big childhood dreams never come true for 90% of people. You just need to throw them away and move on. Let unattainable goals and stupid dreams remain a thing of the past. It's time to build new life with new dreams, goals and plans!
2. Change your lifestyle
Try to get rid of depression and blues by changing your lifestyle. You are unhappy because you are not living and doing what you want. You have an imbalance in your life and inner world. It devastates you and depresses you mentally.
Find something that interests you and brings you pleasure. This could be a hobby, sports, another job, a new relationship. Do what you have long wanted to do, but have always put off. Change your lifestyle to the one you dream of. Get plenty of rest, sleep, eat well and exercise.
3. Stop blaming yourself and enjoy the little things
Stop blaming yourself for all sorts of troubles, mistakes and wrongly chosen paths in life. Learn to forgive yourself. Learn not to play other people's roles and be yourself. Learn to love yourself and pamper yourself. Enjoy the little things in life: delicious coffee, rays of sunshine, communication with loved ones, a walk in the park.
4. Solve problems
Often the reason emotional burnout is an unresolved problem: a failed relationship, an unpromising job, etc. This could be your Gordian Knot. But as actor Jim Carrey said: “Problems must be solved, not washed down with pills.” Cut your Gordian knot and solve the problems that torment you once and for all.
5. Believe in the future and find your dreams
Tired of living? Only new goals and dreams will wake you up from your lethargic stupor. Determine your true desires. What do you want most now? Just think carefully. Find a new path to self-realization. Set it for yourself new goal and make a plan. Believe in yourself and your future.
