Difficult conversation at work - learning how to conduct it correctly. The boss is doing you a favour.

03.02.2015 | 1495

Have you been called “on the carpet” by the boss? Having a conflict with a colleague? We will tell you how to properly build a difficult dialogue at work.

The need to talk about unpleasant topics arises even in the most friendly and close-knit team. The workflow assumes that sooner or later someone will make a mistake or things will not go as planned.

Then there is a difficult conversation. In a bad combination of circumstances, he can cause conflict with colleagues and even dismissal. To avoid unpleasant consequences, you need to learn how to properly build a tense conversation.

Always looking for a way out

A difficult conversation has two goals: to find out where and why the problem arose, and to find ways to solve it. We recommend that you pay attention to the second aspect and look for ways out of this situation.

If you see that the workflow is going wrong, analyze the situation and think about how you can improve it. It's good if you find some solutions.

When you are called “on the carpet” or invited to a collective discussion, do not hesitate and tell us what you have come up with. Be interested in the opinion of colleagues and management, try to draw them into the discussion. Do not be afraid to argue, but do it with reason and tact. Joint discussion will help you find solutions to all problems.

Learn to be silent

Discussion can bring good results, but sometimes it is better to remain silent. If you are not sure of your knowledge, be silent. If you want to say something rude or offensive, be silent. If you want to accuse someone - also be silent. Then you will thank yourself for not throwing all this out in a conversation.

In addition, silence is sometimes necessary to think and make the right decision, so do not try to fill every minute with words. Nobody wants empty talk. The information coming from you must be reliable, and the promises must be achievable.

Control your emotions

Emotions have no place in a working discussion. Never break into shouting and insults. Tears are also the best option. Be as discreet and calm as possible, you are a professional. Even if you feel anger and irritation coming up, don't show it.

If you realize that you can no longer hold back, take time off and leave the office. Give yourself a few minutes to recover and cool down before returning to the dialogue.

Try not to blame anyone during the conversation. Remember: you are here to find solutions to problems, not to punish those responsible. Even if the employee did something wrong, now he can help you find a way out. If you pour accusations, he will close in on himself and will not help.

Ask questions

Feel free to ask questions and clarify if you don't understand something. Experience and knowledge come with time, and senior colleagues can help you properly assess the situation. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. It is a shame to make a mistake because you were once afraid to ask a question.

Listen carefully to the answer and thank your colleague. But make the decision yourself, because all the responsibility for it will lie with you.

“The boss is calling you to his place,” - goosebumps run down the backs of many people from these words. With a cold heart, they approach the Most Important Door, and ... step into the unknown.

What's on the boss's mind? What mood is he in today? Is he going to scold or praise? Or again decided to fill up with work? In this chaos of thoughts and feelings, it is so difficult to get together and behave in the right way! But then you go out to the reception again and ... how many brilliant ideas are born!

Power is one of the most mysterious phenomena. An unknown force that makes some people formidable, and others - trembling. It attracts those who do not have it ... and burdens those who have it. Curb her - necessary condition for true success!

At what point does power emerge? Maybe with the signing of an order to appoint a new person to the position of head? Or the moment you sign labor contract, entering the position of a subordinate? Everything happens much more normally. We simply do not notice many manifestations of the phenomenon of power, considering them to be the usual course of events, but it is they, these manifestations, that cause many of our problems, worries and sleepless nights. Did this person have the right to talk to me like that? Why should I obey his demands? Or vice versa: “Why does he so stubbornly refuse to meet me halfway and do as I ask?” To whom do we ask all these questions and many more like them? Either to ourselves or to third parties, seeking from them, in general, not an objective answer, but support for our indignation. We go out to the "smoking room" with colleagues and pour out our hearts to them, indignant at the next "stupid" order of the boss. And who else should tell us all this, because I cannot tell the boss himself what I think about his instructions! As they say, where is he and where are we! What are our colleagues doing? They listen, nodding and clicking their tongues, and then they develop the topic and say that “what else can you expect from him when he told me (Lyudmila Ivanovna, Vadik, Uncle Misha ...) yesterday ...” Yes, such conversations, of course, will not solve the problem , but the soul becomes easier: after all, but right there you feel the unity of the oppressed, but just proletariat against the tyrant-exploiter.

And half an hour later, this same “tyrant” suddenly calls us to his office. What is our reaction? "That's it, I've been betrayed!" The boss probably found out with what words I “criticized” his actions, and now it won’t seem enough to me. And why? Because in the “smoking room” or next to it there was someone who had access to the boss and could whisper to him about what was going on in the minds of loyal subjects. And so, again, inequality takes place! The inequality of two employees, one of whom managed to establish a trusting relationship with the boss and now actually has power over the second employee, because it depends on what he tells the boss whether this second one will work at all in this company.

But it turned out that the chef was not at all going to punish us for free-thinking, but simply wanted to remind us of the need to call the supplier. We leave his office almost skipping, having already almost forgiven him for the ridiculous assignment of the past, and a few minutes later, sitting at our desk, carelessly exchanging witticisms with office comrades, with whom we have already eaten more than one pood of salt. And then a new employee intervenes in your conversation - he also wants to be part of a friendly and cheerful team ... But no such luck! We look askance at him, smile wryly and think to ourselves: “Wow! I didn’t have time to come, but I already allow myself such jokes! We should remind him where his place is ... ”And now we are higher in position (at least in relations among colleagues) than the other person, and we feel enough of our own power to besiege the newcomer who has gone too far in his wit.

Ordinary, everyday events, right? But there are also deputy directors, secretaries, heads of departments, chief accountants - a huge number of hierarchical levels, each of which dictates its own standards of power, a model of behavior, a code of etiquette, and so on. We do all this out of habit, changing the style of communication a hundred times a day depending on who is in front of us.

So, we ourselves know the laws that determine the level and mechanisms of power, moreover, we ourselves voluntarily give these powers to other people, and some, on the contrary, are denied them. From here we can deduce the main postulate of effective interaction of levels: "All power is conditional!" A power relationship is a voluntary contract signed by two parties, one of which is you. Too many stressful situations, sometimes even leading to physical ailments, occur precisely because of the perception of a subordinate position as one's own doom, caused by necessity from the outside. Often we enter the director's office, as if to the Last Judgment, feeling insignificant and helpless - after all, there, in front, at the huge table, the almighty Leader is sitting! ..

The first rule: an employee and a subordinate are two equal participants in the work process. Each of them is endowed with its own specific functions, the work of a subordinate depends on the orders of the head, and the work of the head depends on the actions of the subordinate. This interdependence is based on your voluntary agreement! And you, as a subordinate, with every action, every phrase and even thought, influence the success and effectiveness of the leader.

So, crossing that very threshold, you need to be aware that you are heading towards your partner and intend to have a respectful and constructive dialogue. “Easy to say! the reader will answer. - I'll understand it, but does the director understand? If he understands, then why does he yell at me every time I enter the office? And really, how to cope with the superior, if the conversation turns out to be sharp, emotional, and he, the superior, clearly has more rights and opportunities than the subordinate?

If you want peace, prepare for war
In first-class companies, there are no sharp dialogues. Generally. There are discussions, discussions, disputes - sometimes very emotional - but what we call a "call on the mat" never happens. This is not explained special warehouse character or extraordinary upbringing of the leaders of such companies, but professional management rules, which are mandatory for both the chief mechanic of the fleet and the president of the international corporation.

First of all, the absence of scolding from the management is the work of the subordinates themselves. In our business environment, this can also be successfully applied. The secret to smooth work is the absence of surprises. Remember: most of your unpleasant conversations with the leader occurred due to the fact that “listen, Ivanov, I just found out that you ...” The boss suddenly received some information about what you had done - and he “exploded”. And this information should not come “suddenly”. Make sure that your manager is informed about each of your planned steps in advance - in a report, memorandum - and also that he knows in a timely manner that this step has been completed or canceled for some reason. In this way you remove the ground for lion's share of all "executions" in the director's office. Insist on regular (at least once a week) meetings with your manager where you can report on what you have done and what you are going to do, where you can get approval for your action plan - there is no point in yelling at your subordinate for the fact that he himself approved just a week ago! If the boss nevertheless breaks into a cry, you with a clear conscience provide him with your last report and your plan of action certified by him: “Yes, Ivan Ivanovich, I agree that we made a mistake here. Let's think about how we can fix it."

Poets are born, critics are made
What else happens in first-class companies such that there is no possibility of "talk on the carpet" there? Returning again in our memories to unpleasant conversations with superiors, we can see that almost all of them can essentially be described in one word - “criticism”. We are criticized in one form or another (sometimes even obscenely) for some of our actions. But what is the result of this criticism? Resentment, anger, indignation ... Then why criticize? Is it just to let off steam?

In high-performing companies, criticism is one of the tools for achieving success and, therefore, it must be carried out professionally. To do this, criticism must be: 1) private; no “public spanking”, 2) calm (now it’s clear why they don’t yell at each other there at Microsoft), 3) short, i.e. it is not intended to “take the soul away”, and takes a minimum of time, 4) aimed at action, and not at the personality of the criticized, 5) containing recommendations for appropriate behavior - the purpose of criticism is not to humiliate the subordinate, but to help him perform the task better.

Since not all managers in our domestic companies are familiar with these rules, your task, as people now in possession of valuable information, is to help your boss accept them. How? If he feels more comfortable guiding you in this way, he will follow these rules. A person is a creature programmed by nature for the success of actions, and your leader is no exception. He just needs to make sure that it really is more convenient!

One of the tools to achieve this goal is the use of the so-called functional phrase. The functional phrase is the basis of any constructive dialogue and is structured as follows: sender - addressee - message. For example, "I like it when you fulfill my requests on time." Or: "I know you can do it better." From the phrase it is clear whose desire or demand is expressed, to whom it is addressed and what it consists of. We often hear in the offices of leaders: “Yes, how many such stupid things can be done! What the Kindergarten! Where do your hands grow from! What useful information can be extracted from here? At first glance, it seems only that the boss is angry. There are no recommendations, no conversation on the merits - we are being attacked. And we immediately begin to defend ourselves, retreating into ourselves, convulsively remembering how we could justify ourselves, what to bring in defense, and sometimes - on whom to blame. Listen to the leader's angry monologue, stay focused on him, and not inward. In a storm of emotions, you can hear individual words that speak about the cause of this very storm: “Yes, I ... when you .... late…call…customer.” Help your boss build a functional phrase, calmly repeat after him: “I didn’t call the client on time, and this angered you. Do I understand you correctly, Ivan Ivanovich?” Some may take such a phrase as a mockery, and perhaps even start shouting even louder, but if you stubbornly “notice” only functional phrases, only react to them and only take the necessary actions in accordance with them, then the leader will eventually begin to use this particular style of communication - it will be easier for him to cope with you!

Employee participation in organizational process consists not only in the direct fulfillment of their duties, but also in increasing the efficiency of management. If a subordinate knows that his results will be achieved faster, easier, cheaper with correct and accurate guidance, then conveying this information to the manager becomes one of the work tasks.

Criticism heard in the director's office is very often not aimed at achieving success - it is simply an expression of emotions in the hope that the employee himself will understand what he needs to do to correct the mistake. Help the manager develop an effective communication style, build the following functional phrase: “If I immediately call our client back and apologize for the late call, and also do not make such a mistake in the future, will you consider that this problem is solved?” Perhaps your boss will yell, “No! It's too late to call back!" - "What exactly should I do to correct my mistake?" - "Stop fooling around!" “I understand that you are outraged. I am also very upset that I made this mistake. I need you to help me and suggest what actions I need to take so that our goal is achieved with you.

Pay attention: our goal is with you! These are not just words - this is one of the beliefs that allows you to overcome all obstacles and disagreements in the communication of employees, no matter how many levels of the hierarchical ladder separate them. We are united by the main thing and separated by details! We still have to decide how to achieve our goals, what steps and how to do it, but the main thing is that both of us, the leader and the subordinate, are moving in the same direction: to the well-being and prosperity of the company, to improving the emotional atmosphere in the team, to the growth of our own well-being . Why fight two people whose intentions coincide? Each of them is primarily interested in helping the other in order to achieve their goals faster and more efficiently, and therefore it is necessary to realize oneself as soon as possible and help the other to realize that acute negative emotions in no way bring them closer to those goals, but only move them away. from them. Dialogue is two voices, and the voice of the subordinate is no less important than the voice of the leader. You have the right to be heard and you have the right to defend that right. Disrespect for a subordinate is, first of all, disrespect for the company itself, which consists of subordinates. The thoughts of employees are the blood of the company, this is what the company lives and breathes. Does a leader have the right to cause direct harm to his company by poisoning the thoughts and feelings of his subordinates? Of course no! After all, he himself draws from this source, he is obliged to keep it clean! So, if you, dear boss, yell at me, we are both unsuccessful. If we treat each other with respect, speak to the point and together look for a way out of a difficult situation, then we will very soon celebrate our common victory!

Who does not want relationships at work to be kind and mutually agreeable not only with colleagues, but, perhaps, first of all, with superiors. Otherwise, no work will be a joy, and about advancing along career ladder you can forget.

And very often we ourselves are to blame for the undeveloped relationship with the boss: somewhere we couldn’t restrain ourselves and showed unnecessary emotions, somewhere we said too much ... So what mistakes in relations with the boss are unacceptable if you value your work and dream of a promotion?

First of all, remember immediately and forever - in a conversation with the boss, never raise your voice! Even if he himself screams, and at the same time he is completely wrong, even if your patience is running out - do not scream. In order not to accidentally break into a sharp conversation, focus on your condition, take a deep breath and start silently counting to ten, or until you need to fully control yourself. Patiently wait until the boss calms down and better not argue, otherwise, in the power of emotions, you will definitely say something that you will later regret. Emotions pass, but words remain in memory.

If you are a good specialist, have rich work experience, then it is clear that you have your own opinion on various production issues discussed. And it is quite possible that it may not coincide with the opinion of the boss. This is normal, especially since bosses can make mistakes. If you see such a mistake, do not be afraid to tell about it, but remember - you need to do this only in private, in the presence of other colleagues or strangers, pointing out shortcomings, errors or shortcomings to the leader is unacceptable.

In addition, when expressing your opinion or position on a particular issue, you should not be limited only to stating a fact - your opinion must be well-reasoned. If you do not have enough arguments, it is better to remain silent and finalize the question, and only then express your opinion.

Do not engage in intrigues, do not discuss the decisions and instructions of the authorities with your colleagues. Even if it seems to you that any task or instruction is inappropriate or erroneous, then discuss it, first of all, with your boss, arguing your position. But, in case of disagreement, you must comply with the order without showing displeasure and, moreover, without commenting on it publicly.

It also happens that many employees diligently avoid contact with their superiors as much as possible. Even if they do not understand the task, or have current questions, they are embarrassed to come up for clarification, fearing that they will be considered incompetent or dull. This is a fundamental mistake! Be sure to ask everything that you do not understand or need for the job, otherwise, if you complete the task, but present the wrong option to the boss, he will doubt your professionalism even more.

And always be careful: watch your leader, try to understand what kind of person he is, how he treats other employees. Such an observation will enable you to better understand that. how your boss shapes his relationships with people in principle, which is important for understanding how you behave.

Communication with your immediate supervisor is an integral part of the work process. And this, alas, cannot be avoided. Therefore, your speech should be restrained and calm when talking with the director. business conversation must have a respectful and polite character, in no case do not raise your tone and do not stubbornly prove your case. Such people, most often, are respected not only by the authorities, but by the entire team.

The first rule, which must not be forgotten, is that the conversation should be strictly on business, and not on personal matters.

You can, of course, sometimes joke or turn the conversation in a different direction, but it’s better if the director himself takes this initiative than you. With leadership, you need to be brief and clear in your arguments, not to say anything superfluous, but, as the people say, strictly follow the set course. State the facts as accurately as possible, without any of your assumptions or guesses. The conversation should be constructed concisely, without unnecessary turns of speech.

If you are guilty and you are called to the “carpet”, it is best not to argue with the boss, but to confess everything and apologize for the situation. To say that you had no evil intentions and will certainly try to fix everything as soon as possible.

Politeness never hurt anyone. Therefore, even if your director is rude to you, do not sink to the level of a street tyrant, but solve this issue with your poise and restraint, stay within the bounds of decency. But this does not mean that you should constantly endure humiliation and insults in your address. If, nevertheless, the boss behaves with you in an unacceptable way, does not know the rules of etiquette for communicating with staff, then you need to delicately point out this shortcoming to him. Nothing bad will happen to you. Yes, of course, this may threaten with dismissal, but the loss is not great. After all, it is better to find another job than to kill yourself morally and ruin your emotional health every day. Perhaps the boss, at best, will stop being rude to you, and at worst, switch to someone else.

Another directly important rule in communicating with the director is how to correctly address "you" or "you". If the company does not have a tough corporate environment, then choose what your boss prefers, but best of all on "you" as the distance between the boss and subordinates must always be present, otherwise the office will be chaos. You yourself perfectly understand that a sign of respect is manifested in the appeal to a person. Therefore, remember that the director is not yours. best friend and your higher worthwhile guide at work for which you receive wages, and this is very important.

Remember that work is not only a way to earn money, but about direct communication with people, which is necessary for everyone. But if you are humiliated there, you should not stay in this team. After all, as they say, the fish rots from the head. And this means that the authorities influence the staff and turn them into their own kind. Do not allow such an influence in your life, because it will not bring you joy and success.

In this article, we will explore what to do with such behavior of the authorities and where to turn, find out how to punish the boss for infringing on the rights of an employee and determine responsibility for insulting a person.

Procedure for insulting the boss

We believe that the order of influence on superiors can be determined depending on what exactly the leader seeks with insults and humiliation.

Important! If the boss or boss yells and humiliates the employee, trying to force him to quit, then you need to contact the labor inspectorate with a complaint about the forced dismissal.

In this case, it is obvious that the manager has no legal grounds for your dismissal, however, for any reason, does not intend to keep you at work. Therefore, I have to influence you psychologically. Don't give in to provocations.

Important! Perhaps, for a start, you can threaten the boss with an appeal to the labor inspectorate if he does not stop such actions. Or if the situation is worse than ever, then you need to contact the labor inspectorate.

AT similar cases, in punishment, employers are brought for violation labor law. The sanction is quite tough and involves a warning or a fine:

• for officials- from 1000 to 5000 rubles;
• for individual entrepreneurs- from 1000 to 5000 rubles;
• for legal entities - from 30,000 to 50,000 rubles.

Usually, legal entities in such cases, a fine is imposed in the maximum amount provided for by the sanction of the article.

In a complaint to the labor inspectorate, it is necessary to indicate the essence of the situation in chronological order, indicate the data of the employment contract (attach it to the application), leave contact details. In practice, the application first indicates when and with whom you entered into an employment contract, then the situation itself is described, and if possible, evidence is attached to support your arguments. In this case, supporting documents can be audio, video recording of communication with management, correspondence in the mail or in in social networks(if the insult is expressed there).

Liability for harassment in the workplace

If the management does not aim at “surviving” you from the team, then in this case there is simply a mockery of subordinates.

These actions can be qualified as an insult, it all depends on the content of the words of the authorities. By general rule an insult is understood as a humiliation of the dignity and honor of another person, expressed in an indecent form.

In practice, the behavior of the management entails bringing it to administrative responsibility in the form of a fine of 1,000 to 3,000 rubles.

Important! If your boss insults you, you need to make it clear to him that you will not allow such an attitude towards yourself. If an understanding could not be reached, and the management does not understand that they are behaving incorrectly, then more severe measures must be taken and the prosecutor's office should be contacted on the fact of insult.

The statement must indicate the date, time, place of the offense, the actions of the leader and the words that he uttered and committed towards you. In detail, the situation can not be described, after the initiation of the case, you will be interviewed separately and in more detail.

After considering the application, the prosecutor must make a reasoned decision to initiate an administrative case or to refuse to initiate a case. This procedural decision can be challenged through a court or a higher prosecutor.

After the initiation of the case, the prosecutor must take all measures aimed at investigating the offense. In most cases, the prosecutor interviews colleagues (each participant in the conflict) separately. Maximum term investigation is set at 1 month.

Based on the results of the investigation, the prosecutor sends the materials of the administrative case to the court. At the trial stage, the case must be considered within 2 months. But given term not always respected due to the workload of the courts.

Based on the results of consideration of the case by the court, a decision may be made to bring to responsibility or to terminate the administrative case. These procedural decisions can be challenged in a higher court within 10 days from the date of delivery (receipt) of a copy of the decision.

In this article, we investigated the procedure for insulting the authorities, determined the responsibility for these acts.

ATTENTION! Due to recent changes in legislation, the information in the article could be out of date! Our lawyer will advise you free of charge - write in the form below.