A person not adapted to life is called. Recent requests for help

74. Instruction for those striving for monastic life. Different types the feat of a celibate life. Patient waiting and home preparation for monastic life May God's Grace be with you! Write: “Oh, if only sooner! Now I would fly somewhere in the desert, so that nothing

Hello. I do not know how to live on and whether I want it. I suddenly lost my mother. We were always together with her. This is the only person who supported me, gave advice. And now I am left completely alone ... I only have a grandmother, for whom I now live. But she can't give what Mom gave me. Now everything is on me. 2 at home, you have to pay a lot of money for your studies. I decided to stay on full-time, Mom wanted it. I blame myself for her death. I didn’t care about her, I didn’t say that I love her, she worked, everything was on her. She was very strong and did not rest at all. Because of me ... and I only whined. Although her work colleagues said that she was proud of me, I don’t know ... I constantly remember how bad she was, how she cried and squeezed my hand, how she was afraid, how I came to her in intensive care ... Until today, I tried not to be aware of anything, but I had a nervous breakdown and now I constantly cry. The realization came ... that she would never see her grandchildren, she would never come to my wedding. I was completely unprepared for life. I do not want to communicate with anyone, and I do not receive support from anyone. I could make Mama stay alive, transfer her to another hospital, but I couldn't. She wouldn't leave me for anything, and I--I couldn't do anything to save her. I don't deserve to live. My lover left me before Mom left. He said he had another one. Although he always said that I was the best and he didn’t need anyone else. After everything that happened, he said that he would be there and we would see each other. But when I asked for a meeting, he left it and we do not communicate. He was my last hope and support. Now I'm alone and no one needs me. Only to my grandmother... I can't live like this. I feel very bad in health and morally. I love Mom, I love the guy, but they are no longer with me ... I will be alone all my life. I am now worried about my grandmother, she, unlike me, is holding on. And I... I'm disgusted with myself. I don't deserve to live. I couldn't save Mom.
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Ksenia, age: 20 / 09.10.2016

Responses:

Hello Xenia! I sympathize with you. Give yourself time to grieve, do not reproach for weakness, but do not fall into despair. It is God's Will that your mother had to leave. You would not change anything. She left when best chance for her life in eternity. Because the human soul is eternal. Now it needs help. For this, gather all your strength. Look after your grandmother and pray according to your strength. Ask for prayerful help from the holy blessed Xenia of Petreburg.

Tatyana, age: 42 / 09.10.2016

Hello. I read everything carefully and I want to say that for sure no one blames you for the death of your mother, your mother loved you very much. All people die and this is a natural process in life, only memories remain that help us live on. Find the strength in yourself to live, because in your life there is so much more that can happen ahead! There are so many in the world good people you just don't notice it. You are sure to meet good friends and a nice, loving young man. Everything will be fine.

Every person equally deserves life, even if they have made mistakes. You deserve life just like other people. Don't despair, everything will be fine! Good luck to you.

Nina, age: 10/19/2016

Hello Xenia. Please accept our most sincere condolences. It is clear that it is very difficult for you, but do not blame yourself so much. The pain will subside with time, this time must be experienced for the sake of Mom, she lived for you, was proud of you, if you follow her, then her life was in vain. Her soul sees you and she feels bad that you are suffering like this. Try to be strong like Mom. It’s hard for you that two losses fell on you at once, but the fact that your loved one left before you got married and had children is probably for the best. You will meet new love over time. You have close person- grandmother. You need to take care of her. How would mom look at the fact that you left her without help? Grandma really needs you.
Drink soothing herbs. You can seek help from a psychologist. You can write here on the forum, where you can communicate, and not just write responses. Over time, you will feel better, pray for the repose of the soul of your Mom and she will be better there.

Marina, age: 50 / 09.10.2016

Ksenia, Ksyusha, Ksyushenka ... I sincerely empathize with you with your grief, because I myself have lost someone close to me - a dearly beloved person. Probably in such a situation there are no special words - which would immediately act, console you, allow you to forget about the pain. But there is time. It is it that inevitably heals our wounds, the memory erases bad moments - preserving only what is dear to our hearts. Therefore, I beg you today - give a chance to time - this kind doctor - to heal your wounds, bitterness from the loss of your mother. Wait, be patient, grit your teeth.
Perhaps your mother is already there - in that place, about which in church prayers they sing "where there is no illness, sadness, sighing, in a warm place and in a cool place" ... Imagine how good it is if your mother got to such a place, you need to believe that mom is now there - where she feels good. Although of course, and she is waiting for your prayers for her. "God rest the soul of your deceased servant (mother's name)." This is how you can pray. Serve notes for the repose in the temple and light candles.
And the guy ... you need to forgive him - this is also love when you forgive, when you do not demand from a person what he cannot give you - for example, to console you, to be there. Let him go in peace..
You have someone you can take care of - a grandmother is a great wealth for a person. I beg you, and for her sake, too, live and be patient.
Try to remain the same kind, affectionate girl, an exemplary student - as your mother saw you.

Svetlana, age: 34 / 09.10.2016

Ksyushenka, this is always the case when relatives leave: it seems that we are to blame for everything, we didn’t save, we didn’t do something ... The truth is that we could and should have been more attentive, show more love and care , but the life and death of a person is in the hands of God, and only He can decide when it is time for someone to leave this world. We are all here temporarily, and the most important thing is to understand WHY. Separation from loved ones is temporary. Take care of your grandmother, do for her what you did not have time to do for your mother. Now you can help your mother a lot - you need to give a magpie in the temple to help her soul there and go to the temple herself and pray for her. This is what the human soul needs most in the afterlife.

Lena, age: 25 / 09.10.2016

Hello! First of all, please accept my most sincere condolences in connection with this loss... I understand that these are just words, but I really feel sorry for you. It is extremely difficult to endure such a loss at any age, and you are still a very young girl. Very sorry. And now You need a lot of strength to endure this grief. I really hope you make it. For my grandmother, for myself and for my mother. She certainly wouldn't want you to die so soon. After all, it will turn out that all her efforts, all the good done for You, will be in vain. On the contrary, you need to try to become a person worthy of her. It won't be easy, but there's no rush. Now that a little time has passed, try not to force yourself to do something. If you do not want to communicate with anyone, stay alone. Everyone experiences grief in their own way, there is no need to listen to anyone and be shy. If you have the strength, attend school, at least come not for a full day. At the end of the semester, ask your teachers to help you finish it. Even if there are debts, it's not scary. Correct them before the end of your studies, take notes from the guys. Attending classes, you will be at least somehow distracted. Be sure to support Grandma, help her in everything and in business and just with advice. She is also very worried, she just tries not to show it to you. Give her as much time as possible. After a while, calculate whether you can pay for the second semester at school. Maybe it makes sense to find some kind of part-time job, for example, in the evening or on weekends. Also, think about what else you can earn income from. Even if you have to leave your studies for the sake of work, find out at the institute about the possibility of taking an academician, do not strive to be expelled at all. In extreme cases, go to the evening or part-time, all the same, a diploma is appreciated. Don't worry about the guy. People often leave in grief, it's not about You at all. Thus, he showed his upbringing and attitude towards close people, his readiness to support and help them. Do not rush, time will pass, and you will meet a worthy person. The main thing now is not to make an irreparable mistake, no matter how difficult it is. I wish you more strength!

Michael, age: 28 / 10.10.2016

Hello Ksyusha. Dear, please accept my condolences. It is very unfortunate that this happened. But do not blame yourself, because people are not subject to decide who will be born, who will die, everything is the will of God. If you find it difficult to pay bills, then you can transfer to part-time and find a job, as many students do. Take care of yourself, take care of your grandmother. Forget the guy, he doesn't deserve you.

Irina, age: 28 / 10.10.2016

Dear Xenia.
I also lost a very close, bright person and did not have time to tell him how much I love him. But I am a believer, I pray for him and believe that he hears my prayers. I give charity for him. The greatest thing we can do for the departed is almsgiving, prayer, good deeds and magpie (for the baptized). Hold on, God bless you!

Elena, age: 38/10/13/2016

Good afternoon. I am confused about the meaning of my existence. My life is a gray routine, combining the work I hate, poverty and hopelessness. I haven’t enjoyed life for a long time, I don’t have any interests, in my free time I just sit in front of the monitor and watch a movie or play something. It is extremely difficult for me to make contact with other people, I say almost nothing, so I feel extremely uncomfortable in the company of people. Sometimes alcohol helps in the company of people, but there was a period when I abused it, but I realized it in time.
I tried to change jobs - but it turned out even worse, so after a year and a half I had to return to the old one.
I live with my parents and younger brother in 2 rooms of a small family (3 rooms), and we still pay for the 2nd room, I help my brother get higher education: I give him money to study, I try to help in subjects. My brother studies at the correspondence department, but does not work and, apparently, does not think.
There were no relationships with girls and are not expected in the near future. I do not communicate even with familiar girls, and even more so with strangers. But this does not worry me much, since new people for me are new worries, troubles, problems and stress, and it’s even scary to think about my own family.
I almost always think about something, dream, hover in my thoughts somewhere far, far away from this world, it often prevents me from concentrating on something, I don’t learn new things well, although I’m not stupid and I’m well versed in the direction of physics and mathematics, in history and the economy.
When I see how others live, communicate, laugh, travel, achieve success in their careers, it becomes clear to me that everything is very bad with me, that I am not adapted to life in this society.
Every night before going to bed I pronounce it like a mantra: "I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up."

Ruslan, Tolyatti, Russia, 27 years old

Psychologist's answer:

Hello Ruslan.

Man is such a being. Free. No one can force you to be happy with your life or adjust it so that you are happy. No one can force you to save your life. You have choice, rights and freedom. You can look for ways to help yourself reach a different level of feeling life, its fullness, for this there are psychologists, this is their work as well. You can work on the problem yourself. But if you feel that you can’t cope, contact the specialists, Togliatti is a large city, almost a million people, there are enough professionals working there (you can also contact specialists from other cities via Skype remotely). There is no definite meaning of existence; in this regard, a person is given the opportunity to find his own meaning, create it, work hard to find a unique, individual meaning for himself. And you can do it all. Potentially. You are a young, healthy man. And even if you have social anxiety, you can change a lot in your life.

Sincerely, Lipkina Arina Yurievna.

Psychologists say that in order to live fully, a person needs to take the position of a chameleon, i.e. learn to change color depending on the situation and live with it. However, in practice this is not so easy to do. Moreover, there are a lot of situations when a person has to adapt to a new style and course of life.

So, for example, women have to adapt to new circumstances for themselves when they have a child. Moreover, the usual way of life is changing so dramatically that many ladies begin to become depressed. The results of it, as psychologists say, can be simply terrifying - some mothers even throw their newborns out the windows, unable to withstand the stress. To prevent such situations from happening, ladies need to prepare themselves for motherhood in advance: try to think over their schedule, discuss with their husband who and in what volumes will help the young mother at first, and many other everyday nuances. Of course, things don't always go as planned. But still, having a plan makes it easier for the mother to adapt to the changes that have taken place in the family.

It is also necessary to adapt to new circumstances of life in case of moving to another house, city, country. In each situation, there is a break in patterns, a person parted with the familiar and established world, relatives, friends. It is easier to accept the situation and temporary loneliness for those who consciously took such a step and have an easy character. If a person does not have ease in communicating with strangers for him, it will be a little more difficult for him. However, it is necessary to work with yourself and to begin with, at least through force, try to force yourself to go out into the world. So, for example, it is worth making a plan of interesting places in the city that you would like to visit (in large cities, of course, this is easier to do), and start your walks. So you can spend time interestingly, and learn more about the place where you moved, and, possibly, find new friends of interest.

If a person changes jobs, it also becomes stressful for him. After all, again you have to adapt to life with other habits, customs and customs. Here, there is only one recommendation for establishing contact and better adapting to new conditions - to attend all work events - corporate parties, joint trips with colleagues to bowling, outdoors, etc. All this helps to quickly join the team.

In addition, there are also a number general recommendations which should help a person to get settled in life easier. So, for example, when you find yourself in a new situation or on the edge of an abyss, you should switch to slow mode, i.e. start doing all things sequentially, not grabbing everything in a row. So in life there will be order and stability. In addition, the slowness and systematization of their life processes will help to save the energy that may be needed in the future for great accomplishments. However, despite the regularity, you need to be mentally prepared to use your accumulated energy on occasion, and do it quite brightly and violently.

The rational distribution of one's forces contributes to a faster and painless merging with one's life. And that is exactly what you need to strive for.